Last Days

After departing from my high school friends, (temporarily, then we'll meet again), I feel like I'm going to die soon. Like I just have a few days to live. That's why someday I made them angry by saying that I was dead using my college friend's name. And my friends, they were really mad at me. well, that was purely my fault. I didn't think straight that time.
I want to say that I love them everyday. But I'm afraid that they'll get sick because of that. And I stopped sms them, say that I love them, that I miss them. But in my heart, I really really really want to say those words to them. I'm afraid every single day that I'm going to die, feel like today is my last day.
And even now, I feel like I'm going to die. And I want to say 'I Love You' to the people I love, every single time. To my Mom, my sisters, my brothers, Ajanti, Nadira, Anjani, Anin, and the other friends. I want to say "I Love You" to this world.
Even I feel like I'm going to die everyday, I don't want to die yet. I haven't become a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend. And I'm not good enough to meet God.
Despite all of the death thoughts, I always love. It is Love that make me withstand all of the obstacles in this life.



to be continued...

I am Sorry

I am sorry for you. For not being able to say those words. I really want to say those words. the words that have been in my mind for years.

I am sorry. I am sorry for being afraid of those words. I am sorry for being a coward. I am sorry for being afraid of my feeling. I am sorry for being scared of not being able to forget and replace you.

I am really sorry.

I am sorry that i doubt about my feeling. I am sorry for saying that I am sorry.

Though I always keep this for me, only for me. And I will always keep this, forever. Sometimes I feel that you already know what are the words that I really want to say to you...

I am really sorry for not being able to say that I Love You.